Anxiety’s a bitch but you can kick its butt

Ahh anxiety. We have all experienced it, many are experiencing it daily under our current circumstances. Anxiety may stem from a mental state but it can certainly manifester in real physical disorders and conditions (including headaches, stomach problems, muscle tensions and pain, and even dental pain from clenching and grinding) and can cause long term health issues (from ulcers to heart attacks) if it is not addressed. There are many types of anxiety from Generalized Anxiety Disorder to phobias, panic disorder, PTSD, OCD, Social phobia and so many more. Anxiety is often the result of thoughts spiraling out of control, of catastrophizing these thoughts and giving them life.

But think about it: A thought is just that. It is a thought. One thought is no more or less than another until WE feed it energy and give it life. A passing thought like- “that’s a pretty plant,” or “I need to buy sugar” holds the same power and worth as “What if I mess up?” or “What if I have cancer?” or “What if I’m not good enough?” “What if my money runs out?”

But, when we think, “I need to buy sugar,” we often put it on a to-do list or simply remember later. When we start feeding that thought, like “What if this cavity is so bad it needs a root canal and it causes me to be in pain for days, and what if that root canal fails and I have to get it done again or the tooth needs to get pulled and it’s a front tooth so what if I have to walk around without a tooth for a while and…”  that is where the anxiety comes in. We have fed the beast and we’ve given it a new life. We have taken something that could be as simple as a filling and turned it into dentures. Rather than think, “Oh, I have a toothache, my dentist will take care of it,” we’ve fallen down a rabbit hole. We’ve blown it up, and caused a tremendous exertion of energy, mental resources, possibly stomach issues or a great headache and that thinking doesn’t make that tooth any more or less likely to have a problem or need treatment. The treatment may be easy (like a filling) or it may be complicated, but that anxiety is not going to change the outcome or the process. I know, I know (I also have anxiety), that doesn’t mean you can easily turn anxiety or catastrophizing off. But you can stop feeding it. Keep it just a thought. Or get rid of it. There are several things you can do to get rid of this thought.

First, obviously deal with it as quickly as possible. Whether you are suffering over a class presentation (volunteer to go first or second so you can get it out of the way) or worrying about a health problem (address it rather than letting it build and consume you), the sooner you face it head on, the better the outcome will be. Understand though that, especially for health issues, some may be completely unfounded. You think, “Oh gosh, I have a sore throat, I must have Covid 19” You may run off for a test, but perhaps by waiting a day you can realize, “oh it was just allergies, this is, after all, spring time and pollen has always triggered me.” Sometimes giving it a day or two to sort itself out will make the situation lie down on its own.

Another way of coping is to acknowledge the worry and tell yourself that yes, that worry is there. The concern is well founded and yes this is one possible outcome but that worry  could also be something more simple or a non-issue and not worth your worrying. Give yourself five minutes to dwell on it and think of more positive outcomes, and then, stop. Don’t let it suck your energy.

Distraction can be helpful. Throw your energy into something positive and optimistic.  Find ways to fill those blank moments, gently guide your wandering catastrophizing brain back to your task.

Meditate, exercise, yoga are all helpful and can teach you to focus your energy.

Talk to someone- a friend, a coworker, a counselor. Someone who has gone through what you are experiencing can be especially helpful but sometimes, all you need is a listening ear to throw your worries and anxieties out into the universe. Oddly enough, sometimes that is all it takes- a release. Sometimes hearing that others have issues and problems also helps us deal with our anxiety. We often feel like we are the only ones who have to cope with crap in life. Everyone else’s life seems so smooth sailing, so blissful, so healthy or wealthy, so perfect. But once you talk to almost anyone, you realize your own problems are on par with the challenges almost everyone else faces. You may have family drama, a friend may be suffering terrible financial burdens, another may have PTSD. You don’t know everyone’s full story but know that you are not alone in contending with crap in life.

Count your blessings. Not always an easy thing but as you start spiraling down the waterfall of anxiety, guide your brain back to positive things. Take the power away from the negative. Our brains are conditioned to hone in on negative or stressful things. We are accustomed to expecting the good and comfortable and see these things as being “normal.” Anything that takes us out of our comfort zones, causes us pain or distress is automatically “abnormal.” From the time we are little, we are taught to focus on the negative as our parents punish us for our bad behaviours each time, but we are only rewarded for that really great behavior once and then it becomes expected. We try a bad food one time and never want to experience it again but a good food just becomes “normal,”  and “expected.” As we form this avoidance of things we dislike, we reinforce the thought that something displeasurable is a bad, horrible, travesty that no one should have to cope with. When we start realizing how many things are blessings (even things we once thought were bad that turned out to be life enhancing), we can come to terms with overcoming the negativity biased.

Think about how many times you’ve worried about what is causing your anxiety, how much energy you wasted. Did the worries ever come to fruition? Were they as bad as you thought or was the worry and time lost on the anxiety for naught? Just because something is bad once doesn’t mean it will always be that bad (believe it or not, root canals are not bad, they relieve the pain immediately). We often make things worse by our expectations and building it up. Keep the perspective.

And here are a few affirmations to repeat to yourself when things get bad:

You are okay.
In this moment, things are stable. You are stable. This is going to work out.
You have gotten through moments like this in the past.
That thought is just a thought. Let it go. Imagine leting it fall through your hands like sugar or sand.
That thought is valid, but it does not predict the outcome.
This worry does not change what will be.
I must enjoy this moment and let this thought go.